You will probably say, "Oh Mihills! You're entirely too old for that!" And you may be right but I did it anyway. I bought a new "Hog"! Well, okay, it isn't really a hog....it's more like a bicycle.....it's not really a bicycle....it's an "adult tricycle" okay?! It's all my wife and my doctor would allow me to have in order to restore my "Born to be wild" lifestyle. I've always enjoyed bike riding but this goofy brain condition I developed made it impossible for me to control anything on two wheels....even my walker has four wheels. I thought about it for months and finally pulled the trigger and ordered this elderly status symbol about two weeks ago. It arrived in less than a week from the distributor. It was one long box left on my porch and weighed too much for me to move it to my garage without my old dolly (which does have only two wheels and I didn't wreck it once thank you very much!)
I was worn out by the time I finally wrestled the box inside and had to take a nap before beginning the assembly. When I woke up I went out and opened the box to find, by my count, three thousand disconnected pieces. I went back inside and watched a movie with Debbie....ate some ice cream, and went to bed.
The next day I was rested, alert, filled with a third cup of coffee and decided, "Hey, I can do this!" I went to the garage and began pulling tricycle parts out of the box. I am much wiser than I was when I was still in my early 70's. I laid all the parts out on my work bench and inventoried each part against the parts list. Everything was there...amazing but true! Then I took the instruction manual inside and read every page.....all eighty pages. Yes, this may have been a mistake. I opted to stop for lunch at this point. Eighty pages of dull reading and a big lunch always makes me sleepy so I went ahead and took a nap before going back out. When I woke up Debbie was just starting another movie so I stopped off and watched it with her. She appreciates it when I spend quality time with her.
I didn't make it back out to the garage until the next morning and then I arrived there determined to get the trike assembled...or die trying. I managed to get the rear assembly together which included the axle, two wheels, seven gears, derailleur, and back brake. I wish I had taken a picture because that was pretty doggone impressive if I say so myself. My next step was too assemble all the remaining parts to the trike frame. Easy peasy you say? Not so. Running the cables for the brakes and derailleur took the rest of the afternoon. If I hadn't followed the instructions step by step I'm sure I would have ruined something but following those steps was hard, i.e. "take the longer cable and thread through from the shifter to the derailleur by passing it through the diddlywop and into the whoop-tee-do housing insuring a snug fit. Pull tight and tighten down using the whirlee thing adjuster (see notes on page 33 and 72). Turn by hand to tighten, then back the turn off by 25%." The cable was too short. Referring back to the manual I found this: "If cable is too short you used the wrong cable you moron! I SAID use the LONGER cable. Take it all out and start over....and pay attention!" I was beat after running all four cables. I can't remember why there were four cables. One for the shifter, one for the back brake assembly, and one for the front brakes. If I wasn't so tired I would go out there and try to figure out where that fourth cable went.....just don't care right now.
The final day I had allowed for assembly came with cold wind and rain. A good day for working in the garage and I bull-dozed through the remaining parts. Before long I had myself one nifty looking seven speed tricycle. I couldn't wait to try it out but I didn't want to get it wet so I held off til later in the day when the clouds moved out. Then I pushed the trike out to my driveway, climbed on and took off. I rode probably, oh, I don't know, maybe three feet before the chain came off. I pushed the trike back in the garage, read through that section of the manual again and realized my problem. I had assumed I installed all the cables and derailleur properly. Silly boy. I spent another two hours redoing it all and then dejectedly came inside.
Next day! I got up early and went out to my new ride. I hopped on and headed down the driveway. I turned right and rode up the slight incline to the end of the street, turned around and headed back down the street. The slope was just enough to really get going good and I was through three gears and moving right along when I decided to turn right onto Charley's street. I was moving at a pretty good clip when I went into the turn. Did you know three wheel vehicles do not take turns like a two wheel vehicle? Neither did I. Committed to the turn I quickly realized I was about to tip the trike over. Gently screaming, "SWEET MOTHER OF SCHWINN, WE'RE GONNA CRASH!" I managed to avoid the oncoming curb by less than an inch and regained control. I decided I didn't need to show the trike to Charley. I slowly worked my way home. I'm going to have to learn how to ride this thing before I can justify wearing the new vest Debbie made for me emblazoned with "Born To Be Mild". But, I will get there. Oh yes, I will get there.
