Let me explain. I have mentioned before about the slope we deal with in our backyard. It starts out gentle, gradually decreasing (or is it increasing) in grade, and then drops off to China about twelve feet from the back fence. My shed/suburban barn is built on piers expanding out over the drop off. Its a wonderful use of space since we can't do anything back there but fall down. We can even store things under the building if we choose. We do not choose though because I'm scared of spiders and snakes. The design was brilliant when it was thought of a hundred years ago when it was first built. I can just imagine the homeowner walking in the backdoor and telling his wife, "Honey, come look at the brilliant way I decided to use some of that useless space back here." She would have thought him brilliant. Years later, when Deb and I bought the place we thought it was brilliant too. I loved my little barn. The years have not been kind to the old structure though and Debbie decided five years ago I needed to replace some of the wood and repaint. I got right on it and started tearing old siding off last week. It appears I have grown old as the barn has because this project is just about to kill me. There is not a square foot of level ground anywhere around the building so reaching the higher levels has been....challenging. I have wished for some of the brilliance used by the guy who built the thing. How did he do it and survive long enough to brag to his wife? Just walking around out there and lifting up 4 x 8 sheets of siding has been awful. On the worst corner I struggled for hours trying to lift the siding up, holding it in place, and driving enough nails into it to keep it from falling off. Four pieces of siding were included in that little experience and two of the four fell on top of me before I could get nails driven into them. Then I had to figure out how to nail them up high on the structure. I stretched as much as my 5'9" frame allowed and still needed to go another couple of feet. I tried building a scaffolding around it but evidently I have no clue how to build scaffolding. Two or three swings with the hammer while standing on it and I felt it give way and slide down the slope. I stepped off before it reached the drop off. I'll have to figure out how to get that pile of wood up from there someday won't I?
Next I looked around and found Debbie's little stepladder hiding in the pantry. I figured it would work since it had four legs. Had to work....of course it would work. I only had to nail those pieces up at the top. I placed it on the slope and carefully took the first step. So far, so good. I took the second step and was able to reach the first panel needing nails. I am brilliant I told myself as I finished up the panel and moved the little ladder a bit more down the slope. The angle seemed precarious but as I took the first step the ladder stayed in place. The second step was a little wobbly but it held. I had to take the third step to reach the top so I carefully tried that step. Not a comfortable feel but I was able to reach the top at least. Now if I had just remembered to bring my hammer I could start nailing. Back down, back up, scared silly. I held on to the roof of the barn with my right hand and tried to set the nail and drive it with my left. There is no way to set a nail with just one hand. If you walk away from this story learning only one thing, make sure to never try this with one hand. I was too scared to let go of the roof line so I had to come up with more brilliance. I made another trip down the ladder, got my portable drill and and a wood screw. Really should have taken more than one screw since I dropped the one I had requiring another trip down and up the ladder. I finally got the screw set in place, hit the trigger on the drill, and felt my world fall out from under me. The little stepladder had given up trying to stay in place while having me make trip after trip up and down. As it fell toward the drop off, my body decided to follow. I tried to hang onto the roof but I couldn't do it. I landed on the ladder and both of us rolled on down the hill and over the drop off. There I was tangled up in a formerly nice little stepladder, splintered scaffolding I hoped to never see again, brush and rocks, and I couldn't get up. I didn't have my cell phone since it fell out of my pocket at the start of the fall and brilliantly decided not to take the trip with me. I lay there until the mosquitoes decided I must be dead and they could safely attack. I still don't remember how I finally got up from that position. Nothing was broken, which was my worst fear. (I had been warned by my surgeon to stay off ladders for some reason.) Anyway, I worked myself free after a while, threw all the scaffolding scraps up along with the stepladder remnants, dusted myself off and went in for a shower. I hurt all over. I have tried to work on the easy to reach portions of the little barn but it hurts to move. I can barely walk from my easy chair to the kitchen. I would like for Debbie to wait on me and baby me but it wouldn't be right. Did I mention she fell off a ladder last month and required shoulder replacement? She is still in a sling. I really need to get rid of my ladders but someday, somehow, I need to figure out a brilliant way to finish that stupid barn.
You need an impact nailer😉
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