Carter, I would love to tell the story of raising our sons in vivid detail but I don't have enough time or memory to do it justice. I will have to tell you what I remember and then do a grandfatherly commentary on what I've remembered. My primary purpose for writing today is to talk about something most people wouldn't necessarily consider "parenting". Of course everyone is free to have an opinion, however, my opinion is the one that's correct. I'll get to it in a bit but first, just a few of the antics of the boys as they grew up in the little neighborhood surrounding Bermuda Drive in beautiful downtown Hurst Texas.
We lived on a short street that ended with a large circle designed for firetrucks to turn around in. All the years we lived there I only remember the firetruck showing up once. That was when our next door neighbor to the north lost their house to an electrical short. Big excitement that night for sure. Our phone rang around midnight. It was the police department dispatcher advising us to get out of our house because it was on fire. Talk about an immediate wake up call! I jumped out of bed yelling to Mammy to get up and grab the boys. Then I ran to each of the boys rooms and told them to get up quick and grab some shoes. I then went to see where the fire was.....it was next door. A driver on another street had seen the flames and reported our house on fire. It's a really good thing it wasn't our house...for obvious reasons. The most prominent reason being when I backtracked to tell everyone to go back to sleep, all of them were. Jamie and your dad were sound asleep as was Mammy. I figured then if we ever had a fire I was going to have to be a bit more assertive in my wake up methods. The house wasn't a total loss and the neighbors were able to move back in within a few weeks. By then, my adrenaline rush had worn off.
The boys had a best friend on the street. His name was Kevin. I won't give the last name because, who knows, he might stumble onto this story one day. Kevin was a different sort. If you've ever watched any "Leave it to Beaver" reruns you would describe Kevin as the existential "Eddie Haskell". If you don't know this reference let me know. I'll find some old reruns to prove my point. Kevin lived in the last house on the street, right next to the firetruck turnaround. Like I said earlier, that turnaround was used one time by the fire department. The remainder of the time, it was a paved playground/scientific experiment area generously funded by the great councilmen and women of Hurst. The neighborhood kids OWNED that piece of property. It served with a family furnished, permanent basketball court, a massive, if not lawn manicured, baseball diamond, and overall bicycle, skateboard, and scooter race track. Kevin's dad, Mr. Kevin, built a tree house with windows, carpet, and lockable front door overlooking the area. Aside from memorable camaraderie, lots of snacks, learning to hang glide (don't even ask), and other worthwhile lessons, Kevin also taught them cursing, dirty jokes, and a working knowledge of Playboy magazine. These later lessons weren't known to us until the boys were grown and started reminiscing around our dinner table one night.
I'll tell you more about life on Bermuda Drive later on. Right now, I need to get to the instructional part of the story. One of the most valuable things about being a good parent doesn't involve interaction with the little house monkeys, aka children of the house. It involves the relationship you will have with your wife. Your kids are going to learn from you whether your example is good....or bad. Vow right now, you will make your example a good one. Start on it right now!
A family connection should always be felt between child and parent, and child and sibling. Those connections are precious and should be nurtured like a well-watered garden. They aren't the same relationships though. In your own mind your relationship with your mom and dad is foremost. It's the most important relationship as it should be. The parents relationship with the child is secondary! That may come as a shock to you but it's true....or should be true in every family. The mom and dad need to have a closer, more intimate relationship with each other rather than with the child. This doesn't mean the parent doesn't love the child any less at all. It simply means the special tie between mom and dad is different. A few years will pass and the child will grow up and move away. The parents will be together for a lifetime. A good dad will have a close "love affair" with a good mom. Their actions should show a savvy child how to be later in life with a love of their own. It should be a natural progression. You don't have to study for it or keep notes.....just watch how your parents treat each other. Hopefully, you will witness a couple very much in love despite the headaches of career, bills, and snotty nosed little beings running around. I never hesitated to wrap my arms around Mammy and plant a kiss on her lips if I felt the urge...sometimes while she was standing at the stove or loading the dishwasher. I never felt funny holding her hand in public. I tried to show my boys just how much I loved and appreciated their mother. I still do! There's not as much public kissing going on these days but I think we're holding hands even more than before. It may be because of our lack of balance but I like to think its because I still see the woman I fell in love with fifty six years ago when she was young and pretty and not old and pretty. I'm sure you're going to think, "I dunno Papa. I have seen mom and dad have some knock down, drag out arguments over the years. Well of course you have. Every marriage includes a fair amount of fighting. It makes the days more interesting. In one of our earlier fights, Mammy took a swing at me and knocked a big hole in one of the bedroom walls. Your great aunt Kat came by one day, walked in and right back out without so much as a "howdy" because Mammy and I were exercising our freedom to disagree.....loudly! I wouldn't change a single thing in our history though because the present is as good, no it's even better than I ever imagined our lives together to be.
So Carter, love your wife....even more than you love that little baby you will someday hold in your arms. If you will do this, you will be establishing a real firm foundation for a happy home with happy kids. Okay, enough lecture for one day. Next time I'll tell you about the great Colorado vs Texas debate held in our old Barracuda on a Sunday afternoon outing.
Til next time, Papa
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