AH-H-H, August...

 ...where a young man thinks of getting away from the stifling summer job and getting back to college where life is simple.

....where an old man thinks about getting the heck out of Texas forever or at least until mid-November.

....where you sit around and ponder whether or not someone really could fry an egg on the sidewalk.

....where you try to fry an egg on the sidewalk.

....where you clean up the awful mess on the sidewalk and promise yourself not to fall for stupid old wives tales ever again.

...where an old man thinks back to the early days in life when August was tolerated without air-conditioning....and those were the "good old days".

...where memories drift back to "two-a-days" for the jocks and summer band for the nerds (of which I proudly hold rank).

Yep, August is probably the second most miserable month of the year, with first place held by September. I'll explain: August is the "proclaimed end of summer" yet everyone knows it isn't. It's just another miserably hot month. September is supposed to start "fall" and everyone knows it doesn't. In Texas absolutely nothing changes except the Christmas decorations go up in the big box stores. September is just a tease. On September first mean, thoughtless people start talking about "fall"....oh boy, here comes fall.....football season, falling leaves, gentle cool breezes from the north.....all just a big old pack of lies! 

Oh sure, I know you're tired of my constant complaining....every stinking August the same thing! Can't this guy find anything else to be upset about? No, not really. August and September are the longest, hottest, most boring, anti-climatic, disappointing, and irritating parts of the year. Okay, I'm done. I'm going to try to remember something good to write about.....let me think....let me think.....

....still thinking. It's hard to think when it's so hot outside. Well, I tried to conjure up a memory about a cold time of year but I think I'm kind of stuck in my "I hate August" mode. So, let's share some good memories of August. Anyone, anyone? Okay, I'll start. I was born in August. It happened on a really hot day if I remember right. All Saints Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas was the location and the constant hum of the overhead fans lulled all of us newcomers into a sense of well-being, not to be crushed until it was time to leave the hospital in an old worn out Chevy, without A/C naturally. Swaddling was not recommended by the good sisters at the hospital so that particular comfort was taken away as soon as mama took that ride on the wheelchair to daddy's waiting chariot. I know I must have complained a lot at the time because my dad took off for some peace and quiet in Korea right after getting me home. Had it not been for my good old uncle Frog staying with us during that time my diaper wouldn't have been changed nearly often enough. My older cousin Janell assisted as much as she was allowed but August didn't last forever and Janell had to go back to school. That was her excuse anyway.

Okay, I did survive my first August but the disdain remains to this day. I don't recall very many banner occasions in any of my Augusts. Well, I did have a birthday party at the Sylvania City park when I was seven. I got a belt. It was a dress belt, ultra thin and black. Why do I remember that? I nearly drowned in Lake Worth the August I was nine. I should have known how to swim by that time but I didn't. After that I was too afraid to learn. When I was seventeen I graduated from high school on a hot August night. Six hundred and twenty one of us sat out at Pennington Field  in full gown and mortar board hat waiting to be declared smart enough to function. Other than that these few stellar memories, not much can be said for August. 

It will be September next month and you know what that means?! Nothing, absolutely nothing. I promise I will be in a better mood toward the end of October or early November. Until then, unless I can have a good memory wander in I'll just make stories up about my imaginary friends. It's never August in my imaginary stories. The weather is just about perfect all the time.