Saturday, January 19, 2013

Chat rooms...

I haven't tried a chat room since I got internet for the first time and innocently entered a chat room that was obviously for those with....I'll just say "different" interests. I just don't do chat rooms. Those my brother Glenn uses are a lot more practical because they discuss the merits, problems, and overall care of old cars. This has never interested me because I drive old cars as a necessity while it's a hobby for most.

A few weeks ago my dad decided he was strong enough to take the old Ford out for one more drive. In the process he racked up two collisions, one charge of leaving the scene of an accident, an encounter with a really large curb, and one flattened stop sign. The police officer was kind enough to not haul him into jail if one of us would pick him up and take away his keys forever. We did and he has decided "on his own" that he should probably not try to drive anymore. He asked me to take care of selling the Ford.

Debbie took me over to pick up the Ford and I drove it to my house. I made for sale signs and went out to attach the signs and back it up close to the street. I couldn't get it to start. I cranked and cranked and nothing would work. I saw a little red THEFT flashing on the dashboard so I went in and Googled "Ford Taurus Theft Device". Every entry ended with the same information, "refer to owner's manual". I knew my dad was very organized about things like this and immediately went to the car's glove box...which was empty...not even a proof of insurance card. I finally found the manual at their house in the drawer of an end table in the den...just where it ought to be. I looked up "theft device". The solution was simple: "Insert key on driver's door, turn left, unlock door and enter vehicle". That did not solve the problem so I called Glenn and he took the problem to the chat rooms. His first call back to me was to do what I had just done, insert key on driver's door....I told him that didn't work so he went back to the room. The next day I was told to try another approach which also didn't work. The next day the idea given to him was to "kill that stinkin theft device by cutting wires and shorting something pink against the frame". I didn't even try that. Finally he was given some really good advice: "Disconnect the battery and let the car sit for half an hour while the computer rebooted itself". Brilliant! I ran outside and immediately tried this remedy. Nope, that didn't fix it. I decided the only thing for me to do was to brave a chat room myself and explain in detail everything I had tried. Since I didn't know how to go about finding a room I Googled "Let's chat about what's ailing my Ford Taurus". I was led to a room and stated my problem. Nothing...no response...I am waiting...and then an answer came to me. The response was from the reverend Roy Albert Payne of the Church of the Living TV Station. It read: Hi there brethern, I am Roy Albert Payne. My friends call me Roy Al and I would be blessed if you would too. I am not a mechanic. I am an ordained minister in the work of the Lawd. I can HEAL your Taurus if you have faith and will send me anywhere from $50 to $1000 dollars. I will in turn send you one of my personally blessed prayer cloths which you can attach to the antenna of your vehicle and fly it proudly as you drive down the road in your perfectly restored auto. PRAISE THE LAWD!! As you travel down the road of life, even if you drive in the valley of the shadow of death, you will fear no evil for as you drive you will know that the reverend Roy Al Payne is flying there above you.....YESSSSSIR! I sent him $5. I hope it works.

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